Anxiety

So, I've always been an anxious person, sometimes to a fault. Health anxiety used to be a huge issue for me, but as I got older, I mellowed out. However, now that I have another human being that I am responsible for, it's all back, and with a vengeance. I find that I hate having to call the doctor when something is wrong with JJ. Even if it's something minor, I just hate the whole process. I want JJ's dad to make the call. I want him to be responsible for that part of JJ's life. I know it's irrational, but it's my reality. I also know that won't happen, so I need to just put my fear aside and take charge.

My sister-in-law called today (she babysits while I work), and said she doesn't think JJ's procedure is healing correctly. She's had two sons, and one had similar issues and had to have his redone. She asks if they told us to pull back on skin while it was healing. No! I don't want to go through this again, so I'm hoping she's wrong. Anyway, of course, this will require a call to the doctor since his follow up isn't until May 5th. I call my sister before I call the doctor, because that's just what I do - I get opinions from at least 5 different people before I make any decision in my life. Do I want swiss or cheddar? Let me call so-and-so and see if they know which tastes better on a burger. It consumes me, but I digress. She says I should call the doctor. Noooooooooo, that is not what I want to hear. I want to hear, I'm sure it's fine, just leave it be till the follow up. She also asks if they told us to put the antibiotic cream deep into the folds, etc. I said no. I followed the instructions from the doctor to a T. Then I call JJ's dad. He says to call the doctor. Now, I'll say this just irks me cause, I am working during the day too! He could just as easily call, but it's always me. Perhaps my anxiety is more of a power struggle? Anyway, I finally call the doctor. Someone took a message and a nurse is going to call me back. It's difficult because I don't know how to explain what it looks like as he's not home with me at the moment; all I know is that it didn't look swollen or infected.

I'm sure I'll be off to another doctor's appointment in the near future. It all just makes my head spin.