The Backstory

It probably helps to know a little bit about our story. I am 34 years old, and my son, who we shall refer to as JJ, is 7 months, 6 days old today.


I found out I was pregnant at around 3AM on New Year's Eve, 2008. Technically, my best friend and I went out for drinks on Dec 30th, and when I got home, it was after midnight. I had suspicions that something was up since I am like clockwork, and I was now going on 3 days late. I stopped on the way to going out at Meijer for a test, but wasn't planning on taking it till the next morning, or perhaps, a few days later. Well, a little liquid courage talked me into taking right then and there at 3AM. There is no way to describe what happens while waiting for the results of a pregnancy test. You always feel a bit nervous, but in the back of your mind, you know it's going to be negative. So, when the word "Pregnant" popped up on the screen (I took no chance of being wrong with the little blue line tests - you all know what I mean), I think I had an out of body experience. It probably didn't help that I was a *bit* tipsy. I would like to tell you that was the happiest moment of my life, but anyone that grew up in a religious household knows, that even at the age of 33, being unmarried and pregnant = GUILT. So much guilt, in fact, that I didn't tell my mom and most of my family and friends until April. Thank God for the supportive friends and family I did tell, and of course to my loving partner who stood by me even though he could have run the other direction.


Fast forward to August 2009. JJ is born 3 weeks and 2 days early, weighing in at 6lbs 8oz, 19 inches long at 8:29 PM via c-section after hours of trying to push his Charlie Brown head past my pubic bone. He did not want a conehead, apparently, because he would not progress. After seeing that sweet little face, I cannot fathom how I felt so guilty about him. It makes me want to rewind and truly enjoy the whole experience more. It makes me know that I will never make my son feel guilty about certain things in life. It will force us to have honest conversations about things that my mom and dad didn't have with me.

Fast forward to March 19, 2010. JJ is waking from a nap in our bed (oh, the horror, we have a family bed!). There he is smiling up at me, spit up on his chin, and also on the freshly laundered sheets. This is the life :)